Making your toughest students your closest allies . . .

Allan Mendler is the author of Discipline with Dignity.  He also blogs for Edutopia.  

https://www.edutopia.org/users/dr-allen-mendler 

Do  you find yourself arguing with or withdrawing from students who push your buttons?  

Do you have trouble not taking offensive behavior personally?  

Do you wonder what it takes to turn tough kids around?

Do you work with other professionals who struggle with these issues? 

When you experience problems in your class . . . do you handle students with the same respect and consideration you would like to be treated with?

Calling students out in class or kicking them out of class.  Would that change your behavior or would you find yourself proving to the teacher you are as bad as they think you are.

What would work for you?  What works for your students?  Positive reinforcement?  What if today you started noticing the little positive behaviors and thank them and reinforce that behavior.  

When we kick them out of class it allows the student to give up on education.

He says,

Anytime that a group of 25 hangs out for 180 days in a room.  Sometimes, when that many people hang out, there will be problems or behaviors.  I will not stop class for those behaviors.  I will continue teaching because your learning is the most important.  We will visit after class.

The first few times a behavior is noticed in class he will stop and say, "I know you are all wondering what I am going to do about what Jim bob just said and what he could possibly be going through to use language like that.  However, we need to keep moving so I will address that after class. Okay, we are on page 37 so lets keep moving."

Student will also remember those teachers that refuse to give up on them.  They will try their hardest to get you to give up but will you?  Will you be the one that stays with them and gives them hope that they can succeed?  Does it take more energy to positively impact or to negatively impact a student.  

Have you ever tried to give something up or change a behavior in yourself?  Was it instant?  Did it happen the first time you tried and you never went back?  If that is the case, those are the students that have have instantly changed their behavior when you have asked them to.  If you had to keep trying different things and had to really work at it, those are the students that you try everything and they fight back.  These are children and some of them will need constant reminders and feedback to really make the positive change.

Oppositional Students

They are determined, clever, tenacious, creative . . .  How do you handle them differently if you look at them as determined or clever versus oppositional.  Now we talk to students in the frame of reference that they are looking at the situation.  We work together toward success not against each other toward frustration.

Phrases to Learn

"Some of you in this classroom are going to do and say rude, nasty, inappropriate mean things.  I know you are.  I just want to let you know right now that I WILL NOT always be stopping my lesson to deal with it.  It doesn't mean I didn't hear it, because I probably did hear it, and it doesn't mean I am not going to do anything about it.  It just means I think teaching is more important in that moment.

"There will be times this year that I will be dropping by your desk to deliver a private message that is only for you ears.  It is usually feedback that tells you what you have done well or what you can do better.  I will not be sharing this message with anyone else in the class.  The individual message will be between that student and ma and nobody else!"

"There will often be consequences for disruptive behavior.  However, the consequences will almost always be given privately and I will almost never discuss one person's consequences with other students."

Three Key Attitudes and Beliefs

* Stay optimistic and be persistent - refuse to give up.

* Understand that change is a roller coaster ride.

* Influence change with leverage and persuasion.

* Think outside the box because you need both conventional and unconventional strategies to motivate difficult students.

Fair vs. Equal

Fair means giving each person what he/she needs.  Equal means treating everyone the same way.  If you want to successfully motivate your students:  

Be fair, do not worry about treating everyone the same.

Comparative Complaint

* I know the assignment ________ got and that is about him/her, not you.  If you want to talk about a better assignments for you, see me at conference time.  Thanks for waiting.

* I know the consequence _______ got and that is about him/her, not you.  If you want to talk about a better consequences for you, see me at conference time.  Thanks for waiting.

Needs that Drive Behavior - how to we acknowledge and really address these needs?

Connection, Competence, Control

The Six Pillars for Motivation Tough Students

* Relationship

* Relevance

* Success

* Responsibility/Involvement

* Safety

* Fun

Value/Principles that drive our reactions and feelings toward others and situation.

* Take care of yourself.  Sometimes when students have behaviors they are actually trying to hide, cover up, or compensate for something very personal they are taking care of.

* Take care of each other.  Are they worried about themselves, a sibling, a friend, a parent?

* Take care of this place.  Their space or a space their are worried about.

In Summary:

* Make it really hard for kids to fail:  Build an "APPP" toward success (Appear - Prepare - Practice - Persist)

* Connect with and appeal to a tough kid's strengths to influence change.

* Defuse power struggle invitations and with dignity while maintaining your authority.

I am posting the picture of Dr. Mendlers paper on Motivating and Managing Difficult Students.  If you would like me to email you a better copy, please email me.  kberlin@isd2142.k12.mn.us